Wednesday, April 10, 2013

He's Putting His Foot Down

Wow, it's been six months and he's putting his foot down on my anger. He's not going to take it anymore. There is no reason why everyone else's lives should be shitty because of my anger. UNbelievable. He should be happy he is living in our house! Why don't I get any fricking credit for trying to make it work after he FUCKED another woman for a year????? And he can't take 6 months of anger? (Which, by the way, has been filled with amazing sex and blow jobs for him.) He's lucky I can even look at him! He's lucky I've been able to have sex with him COUNTLESS times! What a selfish MoFO. I can't even believe he is "putting his foot down".

He says he has been through so much pain, too. Oh yeah? Pain? Let me tell you about pain. Pain is when everything in your life you know to be true turns out to be a complete FRAUD. Pain is when the one person with whom you trusted YOUR LIFE turns out to have been lying and cheating behind your back for a year. Pain is when your marriage vows have been completely smashed onto the floor after 13 years and two children. That is pain. Pain and GUILT are very different. You feel guilt. I feel PAIN.

I seriously don't know how much more of this I can endure. I can't imagine living the rest of my life with this person who can't handle 6 months of my anger after he ruined my life FOREVER.

Do I picture the two of us, all old and wrinkled at the end of our lives, together and HAPPY? That image seems impossible to me right now. I see myself old and bitter, and half in love. Half-heartbroken. Half-wondering what else may have been out there for me. Half-hating myself for putting up with such bullshit when I deserved so much better. That's what I see.
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