Days Like This

The depression days come with less frequency now, but when they come, they are just as dark as they were a year ago. You betrayed warriors know what I'm talking about. One day you feel so strong, hopeful, and at peace. Then a trigger - or even just a cloudy day - can send you spiraling down to that dark place where you simply can't get out of bed.

This weekend is like that for me. I'm sleeping 10 hours a night. I can barely muster up the energy to cook a meal. I feel small, weak, and stuck. Her ghost seems alive in my home, to the point where I feel like I am suffocating from the images of her naked, under my roof, in the arms of my husband.

The mental work of healing from an affair is exhausting. These dark days seem to come when I have nothing left. I can't fight it anymore. I can't muster up the energy for "thought replacement" and all the mental exercises that are part of my daily routine.

I need to let go. I need to free myself from the pain. I need to make myself vulnerable again. I want to live fully, every day. I do not want to be a imprisoned in the past.

But some days, I just don't have the strength.

"Breathe Me"

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me