Reality Bites

Maybe it's because I'm no longer in survival mode. I'm now living my life with the reality of the betrayal. I'm numb. I'm dead inside. I want to be attracted to him, but I'm not. I can't get through sex with him without crying, or we have sex and it's just for him because I really don't even want it. It's so ruined. Everything is ruined.

I miss freedom. I miss the freedom of being secure in my marriage and happy with my life. I miss the freedom of watching my children play without the distraction in the back of my mind of her in this house. I miss running on the mountain with my mind going wherever it wanted; now it only goes "there."

I just miss my old life. I can't have it back, and I know that I have to accept it.

Infidelity SUCKS ASS.