Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Symbol of His (Broken) Promise

I took my wedding ring off tonight. I don't know why; I haven't even really considered taking it off up to now. Even in my darkest of days, I've never given it much thought. Tonight, however, I looked at it and thought, "Why am I wearing this? What does it represent?"

Well, it represents a promise he made almost 14 years ago in front of God, my friends and my family. I remember him sliding it onto my finger and speaking the words of our vows while gazing into my eyes. That day now really seems like a complete joke to me. I can honestly say that I think of that day - or even look at our wedding pictures - and feel ashamed. How naïve I was. How young and foolish I was. I was 21 years old! He had taken over 30 women to bed at that point in his life, and here he had swept this BABY (me) off her feet! Makes me think he was a dirty sicko wanting to brag about his 21-year-old wifey that was madly in love with him. UGH! I regret it! I really can say that I regret marrying least at such a young age. I know I was madly in love, but DAMN HIM for interrupting my college years and my time to even figure out who I was as a person! I'm just finally NOW discovering who I am, independent from my spouse - because my entire adult life has been identified with my life as a his wife.

So yes, I took off my ring that represents a promise broken. What is the point, anyway? He wore his ring the whole time he was having an affair, so it obviously meant nothing to him! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that ring WENT INSIDE HER while he fingered her! Seriously.

I can't believe how good it feels not wearing it, and it's only been 10 minutes! I like how it looks. Maybe I'll go out and buy a bunch of cheap rings at Forever 21 tomorrow and replace it with something funky every day that coordinates with my outfit. YES! That's what I'll do. HA!

Maybe he can get me another ring someday if we renew our vows. I really don't feel like wearing that one anymore. Ohhhh...maybe I can sell it and use the money to go on an exotic vacation by myself! That's an idea...

I'm feeling a little sassy tonight. I like it.

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