Saturday, June 22, 2013

Nine Months Since D-Day

I can't believe it. Nine months? I remember reading about people still crying daily and getting angry after nine months and I thought they must be crazy, or that they just really don't know how to move on. Eight months ago, I never would have imagined I'd be capable of having an anger fit with a baseball bat and the couch on the back patio. I didn't think I'd still be screaming profanities out loud while running on top of the mountain. I didn't think I'd still be asking my husband questions about what her body looked like naked (even though he's answered that multiple times and I still have the need to keep asking). I didn't think the thought of her in my son's room would still shock me and bring me to tears after nine months of having this knowledge.

Time is a weird thing. Back then, nine months sounded like forever. Nine months later, it seems like D-Day was yesterday. I can honestly say that I can't believe I survived this thus far. I can't believe we are in the place we are today, which is actually looking pretty good. My thoughts of the future aren't, "Can I live with this person anymore?". They are now more like, "I hope this passion lasts forever" and "I hope we can help others with our story".

The "one year to forgiveness" timeline you hear so often in the post-affair recovery world is starting to make sense to me now. Maybe I'll be there in three short months. I really hope so. I'm ready for the next chapter.

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