Just like three weeks after learning about the fake "emotional" affair, now three weeks into learning about the TRUTH I am more angry than ever. We have our good days/weeks/moments, but the last two days, all I can do is dwell on what happened. All I can do is be angry. He is trying SO hard and doing all that he should be doing to make it up to me, and I don't even care. Nothing changes what he did. How could I be married to someone capable of that? If it had been a one-night-stand caught up in the heat of the moment I might feel differently. But this was TEN MONTHS of opportunities to end it and he didn't.
Why didn't he turn around while driving to her house? He had a chance to think about what he was doing all the way there. Why didn't he stare at the box of condoms going down the checkout belt and realized, "Oh my God! What am I doing??" These are the things I don't understand.
How could he have been so disconnected from me and our life, that he blocked the image of my face while fucking her? How do I move on?
I don't want to discredit his finding God through all of this. I believe that he really has found God and has been changed to the core. He has been broken. He's hit rock-bottom. But what if that wears off over time? And is that a reason to blow off what he has done to me? Am I supposed to say, "Oh -it's OK - that was the 'old' you and now you're different." That's not fair! I deserve to make him suffer.
I should scare the shit out of him by kicking him out indefinitely. I'll have the whole weekend with the kids this weekend while he's staying at a friend's house. I hope he spends it digging deep and trying to figure out what kind of man he wants to be for this family. He HAS to figure out what he wants to do with his career because I am DONE being his enabler. I worked my ass off in college and have always had a great job because I am motivated. I feel like he's totally taken advantage of that.
Right now he's trying to please me with chores around the house and flowers every few days. Well I'd much rather he spend his spare time figuring out how to make himself a MAN so this doesn't happen again.
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ReplyDeleteI will also say this, If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I was dying inside for my cheating spouse, i had no prove, no one to run to. Everyone thought i was paranoid. until i was referred to a Private Investigator/hacker Mr James by a friend. I told him about my situation and He understood me well and helped me spy on her. He got me access remotely to her Gmail account and linked all her WhatsApp and phone conversation to me directly to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to Mr James for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him Mr James via Gmail (Worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) ,infidelity hurts.